Valentine's day is vastly approaching and for those who are lucky enough to be basking in love on that glorious day, I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day.
Celebrating Valentine's Day in Malaysia isn't as depressing as it would have been in let's say other countries, (namely the white countries) since most people here believe it leads to fornication.
I mean come on. It's a no brainer that the only real reason why a guy does what he does on that day is to get laid in the first place. And everyone knows the easiest way to turn your girlfriend into a wild vixen that she is, is to buy her shiny things or eat at expansive restaurants because what girl wouldn't like to be treated like a pair of tits and vaginas. It's basically the equivalent of your undying devotion to a girl.
Religion aside it is safe to say that my expectations for the day is and forever will be very low. So don't expect me to get off on branded scarf or by whisking me away to a tropical getaway, because you are just wasting your time, or are you? To be honest if I recalled correctly, I had only celebrated the mushy occasion once; that's if you count "planning to break up with a guy to find out he bought me a necklace and end up changing my mind and breaking up with him the following week" as a way of celebrating, then yes, I only celebrated it once in my life.
For those who are not celebrating Vday because they are either single/in a long distance relationship/in an imaginary relationship/in prison and still straight, here are my top 3 ideas on how to
ruin other people's day, namely couples that make you want to hurl out rainbows not because you are alone, but because they are just downright inconsiderate with their sickening happiness and holding hands and sweet banter....yuck.
#1. Go to the guy (if you're a girl, or vice versa), and say "Because of you" and walk away slowly while maintaining direct eye contact the whole time . Make sure they turn away first otherwise continue until they eventually do.
#2. Hire a musician and get them to serenade you in public. For example if you are ready to go to the grocery store, bring a musician along so that he will serenade you whilst you are doing your grocery. Choose your couple and go to the guy or girl (depending on what your sexual orientation, really) and say "Now I know why you paid for this!" and point to the Spanish guy who is still serenading you with a love song you don't quite know the meaning to.
#3. Wrap a present and shove it back to the nearest lovey dovey couple you can find. This wouldn't be so hard, on the count of couples are formed every 2 miliseconds. Do this with tip #1 to get the extra kick. Priceless I tell you.
Or the best way to cope with being alone is to give yourself the extra le sexy time, if you know what I mean. Ever notice how by adding "if you know what I mean" at the end of a statement you risk it sounding sexual, for example;
Bananas are yellow, if you know what I mean.
Rabbits are robots, if you know what I mean.
You must be from Costa Rica, if you know what I mean.
Pour the water in the cup, if you know what I mean.
Hahahaha, I need a life don't I?